Muting my inner critic

I got a lot done today: I cleaned, I wrote - 4 pages on downtown Waterbury and in my journal - I did two loads of laundry, and yet I'm aware of feeling stressed out because I don't feel I accomplished enough. Also, I'm overly proud of my cleaning gig and desperate for a pat on the back, "Look at me, I cleaned my room like a big girl!" Never mind the fact that it's only a 4x6 foot area that I tidied up, it wasn't a major overhaul or anything.

Still, I am proud of the work I did and the new little set-up I created for myself. I figured that since I'd cleaned the same area several times before - well, at least twice - and shit kept piling up in the same spot, I obviously needed a table or something to put all my crap on. I've been thinking this for weeks but not doing anything about it, which has probably been building up anxiety, and is probably why I feel so damn good about cleaning such a small damn space.

Anyway, I did all this stuff that I'd been putting off and it doesn't feel like enough. Oh I'll still laze around until it's time to get ready to go out tonight but part of me will be anxious, feeling like I should be writing RIGHT NOW! ALL THE TIME! Now maybe that's the part of me desperate to write trying to get out, and I try to nurture her as much as possible, but she is STRESSING ME THE FUCK OUT! Hopefully the act of posting this blog will chill her out.

Posting lets me check a couple more things off my never ending mental list: "contribute to blog and overall body of work", "foster inspiration in the hopes of building discipline", and "finish something I start". That last one's a BIG one, and I think it just might be enough to muzzle my inner critic.

Now if I could only do all these things every day while saving money and paying my bills on time, eating sensibly and exercising regularly, I might qualify for adulthood!