Inconveniently Convenient

I was really hungry after work today but was out & about for a couple of hours before getting home. It seemed like there was a McDriveThru at every intersection, promising convenience and an end to hunger. That's when I realized I had absolutely no desire for junk food (gasp!), it was the convenience itself I craved, the ability to select, pay for, and eat my food without having to move my ass out of my car. Seriously, if my seat reclined a little more comfortably, I'd never get out.

Happily, I was encouraged to discover that my desire to make healthful choices outweighed the convenience factor enough to make some mild hunger worth suffering through for a few extra minutes. Having actually shopped for more than Greek yogurt and Luna bars last week, the fixin's for curry seafood salad were lying in wait at home. That was all the support I needed to motor past the next couple of drive-throughs without a second glance.

This isn't the first time this has happened, that I've had a desire for fast food without the insatiable craving aspect, but it still amazes me. It's just as powerful every time, to witness myself not being controlled by food. I know eventually it will be so commonplace, it won't feel anything but normal, but from where I'm standing now the bloom is still on the rose and it smells very, very sweet.

Insight #1

In my very first session with Chaundra back in early January, my mind was totally blown when I had the following insight:

My compulsive eating habits began at a very young age, though my weight wasn't an issue for several years. My hippie mom tried to restrict my sugar intake from birth (legend has it I wasn't fed any refined sugar during the first year of my life), which raised several eyebrows among less progressive-thinking members of the family. I don't remember my grandmother sneaking me junk food, but I've been told it happened. I picked up the habit and continued to hone my sneaking skills on my own, and around age 11 I started gaining weight.

Discussing this with Chaundra in what was the first completely frank and honest conversation about food I'd ever had in my LIFE, I had the following realization: Puberty started setting in when I was 11, so it logically follows that my changing metabolism caught up with my eating habits and I began to gain weight. That's how it started, not because my parents split up (which happened 4 years prior and didn't make sense as an explanation anyway), not because I was abused or traumatized in some way (I wasn't), not for any other reason than my body finally catching up to my eating.

Holy crap! Mystery freaking solved. Day one and as far as I'm concerned, we hit one out of the park.